all in a day’s mindset: tackling the to-dos

I’m a nerd. A to-do list nerd, especially. I like having a focus—or several—for the day and earning that sense of satisfaction when things get checked off the list.

Yet I’m continually refining the art of to-do list making. I go back and forth between paper and pen lists versus the kind I make in a Word document. Or a bullet point list on my phone. The tactile pleasure of the pen and paper route is great. There’s an added sense of accomplishment in physically striking something off the list. But the computer document has a great function, too, if I don’t let it get out of control: I can amend the day’s to-dos as I move along.

Where the computer doc causes trouble is two-fold: 1) I can continually add to-dos to the day, thus making it impossible to truly accomplish everything and 2) I tend to erase what I have accomplished, so at the end of the day all I see is what I haven’t done.

So I did an experiment this week (as I tend to do such things). I made a new document of to-dos and every time I completed a task, I crossed it out—rather than deleted the item. This was a test to see if I actually found more satisfaction in seeing what’s been done for the day. The result? Sure. There was some joy in seeing checked off items.

The real result, though, is the realization that no matter how I project my day’s activities, I always set overachieving goals. For whatever reason, I can’t bring myself to list just one or two things to do in a day. I aim high, do my best, and push the rest to the next day, or the next. It’s how I operate. And that’s okay. For me, it works. 

I love fantasizing about a super-organized life. One that has a place for everything, and where everything is in its place. One that has a to-do list of achievable goals for each day, and that’s checked off in true Martha Stewart fashion. But I’m not Martha. I’m me. Chaotic, imperfect, organized-in-my-own-dysfunctional-way me. And that’s a good thing.

A Bad Blogger in A Good Year

I’m not a bad person, I just do bad things.

Things To Do

Wait. I don’t mean bad things. I mean I do things—or don’t do things—that make me feel guilty. Guilty for not doing things or guilty for should-be-doing things. Guilty for not doing enough of the right things. Sounds a bit crazy and confusing? It is. It can be.

I like order. I like lists. I take pride in my to-do lists, even when they are a key source of self-loathing when I fail to accomplish impossible and over-achieving goals set for each day. I somehow feel that setting unrealistic goals motivates me to accomplish the majority of my ambitions; aim for the stars and maybe you'll reach the sky, or something John Lubbock said. 

My process is nothing new. I have written about this self-defeating/self-fulfilling strategic plan before:

“I have deliberately sabotaged nearly every day of my writing life with my to-do list. It is aggressive. It is unrealistic. It demonstrates my illusions of grandeur....Yet I continue to carry on this habit, this self-punishment. Because it works for me.”

From “The Not-To-Do List,” Passages North, May 2012

Each year I take stock of things I accomplished, things I didn’t quite check off the list, and, eventually, this transitions into setting goals for the year ahead. This all translates into more lists: lists of accomplishments,

More Things

lists of to-dos right now, lists of to-dos for the new year, lists to remind myself how I, and we, can exercise literary citizenship. I sometimes make lists of lists to make.

So, as December winds its way down, I’m drawn into my usual end-of-year assessment. Last year was apparently “A Tale of 100 Submissions.” In the middle of 2013, I did some self-reflecting and paid mind to needing to downsize some ambitions in order to accomplish bigger goals and keep my sanity. But I also swore to myself that I would not be a hypocrite and that I would, seriously, make my blog more of a priority. I changed up the blog design and set goals publicly—and then failed to execute what I set out to do.

It’s not that blogging is a make or break activity that defines whether or not I am a good person. I actually want to be consistent with my blog. I enjoy writing posts—for myself and for my readers. But the guilt also sets in when I think of emerging and fellow writers who turn to me in my social media workshops and who consider that I know something about this stuff. You’re a full-time writer! You’re good at all that social media stuff! You’re so organized! Oh, please. I’m human. I’m flawed in the most fumbling ways.

That means, in the big picture to-do list of priorities, the blog usually suffers.

These Other Things

In 2013, counting posts only before today, I posted a humbling 37 times to my blog. That’s a little embarrassing. Rather than wallow in my guilt, though, I’m taking action. I’m posting today, obviously, but I’ve also been making notes and plans for topics I’d like to blog about. I have a handsome list (!) accumulating blog post plans and I’m genuinely excited to write more for this venue.

And, really, I don’t feel too bad about being a bad blogger this year. It’s been a great year for me, otherwise. I’ve been busy—overwhelmingly so, but in ways that I feel so blessed to count as Good Things Accomplished in 2013. I traveled—for business and pleasure—to twenty states and two provinces. I worked with the wonderful editorial team at Accents Publishing in preparation for the new poetry book, Square Feet. I finished polishing a new nonfiction book that was contracted this year by Bloomsbury and will be published in late 2014. And I checked so many little—but important-to-me—tasks

Enabling Thing

off my to-do list that I can’t feel bad about not accomplishing everything I set out to do this year. I can’t feel that bad about not blogging more than I did.

But I can aim higher for the year to come. I can accomplish something as simple as posting more often on my blog. I will make this a goal and I will put a realistic plan into action. Which brings me back to assessing the year that was, planning for the year to come, and having fun creating a full-of-hope, full-of-ambition new list of to-dos. Because old habits die hard and I do love those lists…

It looks like I’m going to need a bigger coffee cup for 2014.

writing: dreams & reality

Last week I had the pleasure of visiting the office and folks at The Writer magazine. As a contributor, it was a joy to meet the editorial names I have come to know, up until now, only through email and telephone conversations. While the internet is certainly a great way to communicate and carry on writing business, there is something to be said for talking face-to-face with an editor.

Maybe it’s the memories of my childhood dreams of growing up to be a writer, and all the details those preconceived notions implied, that make such visits so entertaining.

If you write, what were your youthful visions of the future like? For me, I would think about the editorial meetings, the wining and dining, and the glamorous parties and intellectual conversations that would inevitably be my future if I worked hard enough. Well… some of these things have actualized in reality, and some… not so much.

I can’t say I wine and dine much, but in reality I do suppose I go out for coffee with an editor now and then - usually to discuss unrelated writing topics or just to socialize. The editors I socialize with, however, are usually locally based and not necessarily ones I work with, since I am a bit of a distance to my New York contacts. So, a small tangent on what the dream was, but a satisfying one no less.

As for glamorous events? Yes, I attend a good number of literary events in and around my area. I’d argue that they’re not that glamorous although many are, in fact, intellectually stimulating. At the very least, it’s great to meet and mingle with other writers, get to know readers, and spend a night out. Usually, the only glamorous aspect of these types of evenings is debating whether to wear make-up and fun shoes, or to go casual with sensible footwear. I’ll let you guess which usually wins the debate.
And while I’ve had my share of editorial meetings, most working discussions take place on the phone or via email. It’s rare to nab an editor’s dedicated time for a lunch or coffee, and since my proximity to the editors I tend to work with is a bit distant from home it’s even rarer. Maybe that’s why it’s so special when I do get the chance to mingle in person. I will say that editors do, indeed, like to meet their writers face-to-face when the opportunity arises.

Visiting the editorial team at The Writer office was great. After getting to know the staffers through various emails and the occasional phone call, it was a pleasant visit to just say hi as I was passing through the area. I received a great coffee shop recommendation, had a few brief chats about what I’ve been working on, but mostly the visit was just a quick social stop on my way somewhere else. Even so, I’m glad the staff were able to take a few moments to entertain me.

My youthful dreams of what having a writing career would be like were far from reality. However, I am by no means disappointed. Rather than flitting from party to party and keeping up with witty repartee, I find myself fulfilled with the real connections I have made, the ongoing work I am blessed to have, and the community of readers and writers I chat with both personally and professionally. For me, reality wins out hands down. After all, what good are imaged dreams if they never result in something tangible? Oh sure, I still daydream about the people I’ll meet and the places I’ll go. But as a working writer, I know these current dreams are within reach and not just child’s play anymore.

What about you? Have your dreams morphed into reality? Is your real life anything like you imagined it would be? Do you still daydream about what’s to come? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

And, as promised the other day, I have something special for Labor Day weekend. Until Monday, I’m offering up copies of my latest poetry book for a deep discount. If you’ve been waiting for the right time to pick up stains: early poems, you can email me to order your (signed) copy directly, and I’ll send it out to you for a mere ten bucks (including free shipping!). Of course, you can order the book from amazon or B&N, or grab it from your local indie shop, at any time, but for this weekend I’ll be offering up signed copies at a discount. Email me at lori@loriamay.com if you’re interested. Congrats to Dan Ames who posted a response to the blog the other day (on the facebook feed) and won a signed copy of stains.

Have a great long weekend; enjoy those last moments of summer; and until next time… happy reading!